<u>GUS IS GUILTY</u>
INT. DARK BASEMENT - NIGHT
The light clicks on.
A shelf full of household cleaning products. Bleach. Lestoil. Glass cleaners. And
a box of large garbage bags, 36 count. All are removed.
A mop and bucket are gathered.
INT. LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME
An OLD MAN watches infomercials on TV. Until something outside catches his
attention. Through the windows, he can see the inside of his neighbor?s home.
Someone is busy in the kitchen. It looks as though he?s mopping the floor.
AFTER A WHILE
The Old Man continues to peer out his window, watching as his neighbor struggles
to load a bunch of large, heavy garbage bags into a white pick-up truck.
Then from the garage, he lugs cinder blocks over to the truck.
EXT. LAKESIDE - LATER
Peaceful. No one?s around. Just crickets.
The white truck pulls up.
The garbage bags are removed and tossed
INTO THE LAKE.
Tied to the cinder blocks, the bags sink straight to the bottom.
EXT. THE DO-IT-YOURSELF CARWASH - LATER
The truck pulls up as no one else is in sight. From across the street in the
TASTY KING DOUGHNUT SHOP
which isn?t open yet and still dark inside, a BAKER notices the truck as the owner
begins to hose it down. Particularly the back.
CUT TO:
INT. UNSPECIFIED OFFICE - DAY
Deffense Attorney LARRY JAY CHAMPLAIN is interviewed by the younger, less
professional looking JOEL KURTZMAN.
JOEL
That doesn?t sound like suspicious activity
to you?
CHAMPLAIN
Last I heard it?s not a crime to wash your
truck.
JOEL
No of course not. Three o' clock in the morning.
It?s our constitutional right to spend two and a
half hours at a car wash, scrubbing every
inch with bleach.
CHAMPLAIN
As I?ve said before - all a series of
unfortunate coincidence.
JOEL
You still maintain that?
CHAMPLAIN
Absolutely. Why shouldn?t I? I know the
story. And so do you.
JOEL
Yes. I do. And so does this community.
So are you saying that they?re all
disillusioned? Or ignorant?
CHAMPLAIN
It?s not my business to sway...or direct
popular public opinion of an entire community.
Just twelve of them.
JOEL
Yeah but those twelve will most likely be
drawn from this community.
CHAMPLAIN
You know how much reasonable doubt we have
here? An abundance. The DA?s case, the whole
thing, is jam-packed with it. The dam?s about
to burst. It?s simply not air-tight.
JOEL
And your client?s alibi is?
CHAMPLAIN
I believe it is.
JOEL
Six different witnesses. One same story. A white
truck. Dodge Ram. What does your client drive?
CHAMPLAIN
Same truck that three thousand other people
in this state drive. Equipped with power
windows, steering, brakes, five disc cd - Who
can blame them?
JOEL
Yeah. And one helluva payload. The weight
equivalent of five bodies with room to spare
for say, oh, I don?t know, about a dozen cinder
blocks.
Champlain says nothing. Just smiles.
JOEL
OK. Well I?ll tell you what. If I?m ever so
unlucky as to be charged with killing my three
young daughters, unborn son, and my wife, who
I just so happened to learn two months ago
of an on-going affair she?s had, and I need
reprensentation - your office will be the first
I call.
CHAMPLAIN
It?ll be my pleasure. But I hope that never
happens. Cause then you?ll know what it?s like.
JOEL
What?s that?
CHAMPLAIN
All that pressure. All that stress. Intense media
scrutiny. All that evidence. When in fact -
you're an innocent man.
A good solid start, both in terms of story and character setup. I liked the opening-it moved fast. A lot depends on whether you're going to find ways to keep us interested in these lawyers and not just serve up the same old upmarket slimeball lawyer vs idealistic young hero in waiting lawyer.
Not sure about the title but thats not very important at this stage.
Good work GWE.
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ July 23, 2003 04:51 AM: Message edited by: Generic Skinhead ]</font>
It's good. Like the initial hook. I like the fact it starts straight away with no unnecessary waffle. It all depends on where its going to go. Whether its going to be a simple whodunnit type of story or something else.
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY
12 year old MICKEY is standing on a small cluttered computer desktop.
Stretching high, reaching for the top of the mounted shelf on the wall.
He?s searching for something. This is not a child?s bedroom.
EXT. APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER
Mickey exits with a medium-size brown paper bag. He hands it to the
OTHER KID who?s waiting by the steps. Other Kid peeks in the bag.
OTHER KID
I?ll take these two. But not this one...
He removes a magazine with a half naked girl on the cover of LATIN LOVELIES:
SPECIAL TROPICAL EDITION
MICKEY
Come on. All three for ten dollars.
OTHER KID
F*ck that. I don?t want this one. She looks
like my mom. I don?t even wanna look at it.
MICKEY
Really? D*mn. You think I can sleep over?
INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Mickey is back on the desktop, trying to put back the magazine. But the desk
is beginning to buckle. His weight is too much. The table gives in.
Crash!
It collapses under him. He falls hard to the floor. Along with the monitor.
The keyboard. The hard drive. Everything.
APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - LATER
Keys jingle. The door is unlocked. Joel enters, looking beat. Heads for the
KITCHEN
and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. As he drinks, he notices the sink.
Clean. All the dishes are done. And apparently the garbage has been taken
out. Then the stovetop. No grease. No grime. Clean. Showroom clean.
MICKEY?S BEDROOM - SAME TIME
Mickey?s on his bed reading. Knock-knock. Joel enters...
JOEL
Hey.
MICKEY
Hey.
JOEL
You clean today?
MICKEY
Yeah.
Big surprise on Joel?s face.
JOEL
Well Holy sh*t.
MICKEY
I said I would.
JOEL
You say alotta things.
JOEL?S BEDROOM - LATER
At his computer, Joel pushes buttons. But nothing?s happening. Dead computer.
He checks the connections in the back. Something?s not plugged in.
Then he notices loose and missing screws from the desktop. And the floor?s
a little scuffed.
He?s puzzled. Thinks for a minute. Then looks up. To the top shelf mounted
on the wall above the computer.
MICKEY?S BEDROOM - SECONDS LATER
Joel storms in, furious. Mickey jumps.
JOEL
What the f*ck did I tell you?!!!
He lunges at the little boy.
KITCHEN - LATER
A couple of ice cubes are wrapped in a paper towel. Mickey watches nearby.
The left side of his face is now swollen with fresh bruises.
JOEL
Keep this on it. When I get back - we?ll
talk more about this. I?m not made a money.
You know how much tha?s gonna cost to fix?
All my files...You better get a fuckin paper
rout. Learn how to mow lawns. And you can
forget about Christmas. Santa is dead. You
killed Santa Claus today.
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ July 26, 2003 12:39 PM: Message edited by: GREATwarEAGLE ]</font>
i really like the first part!
the second part seems out of place to me. not needed in this story. that may be because i'm basically seeing it out of context with the rest of the story of course.
when micky's getting his ice cubes, did joel just beat him up? or was the bruise from falling off the shelf? either way, i suddenly don't like joel... when i did in the first scene. is that intentional? is the viewer supposed to dislike him?
i'm just curious. all together it's very good, engaging. [img]smile.gif[/img]
Thanks for the comments so far, guys.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">It never occurred to me that there would be confusion as to the source of the bruises. Until you pointed it out.when micky's getting his ice cubes, did joel just beat him up? or was the bruise from falling off the shelf?
I hate being too literal. I think the point in the script when the bruises are mentioned best answers this.
After he falls from the desktop, he's reading on his bed. Were the bruises mentioned there?
Maybe I can make a minor adjustment to the scene to help clarify.
Thanks again.
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